Saturday, June 23, 2007

Quo Vadis?

A.k.a, in which I figure out the root cause of all my dissatisfaction.

Its not because I feel I have anything less.
Its only because I want more from life. More experiences, more travel, more learning.
Its only because I want a life. A life full of life.

For past few months have done nothing except work, just to see how it feels. And have realized that the element of disuse, the whole feeling of not knowing what to answer when someone asks me “What else have you been up to?”, is the culprit. That irritates me to no end, that I have no answers when I ask myself, what have I gained in the past few months? How have I grown as an individual? (Before you take a dig, I dropped two Kgs)

You know, there was this small shack, quite named Dreamland right opposite our where plans for life were made over copious amount of chai. You know what we had then? No, not talent. Passion, yes. And more so, the non-judgmental attitude towards anything and everything. We had deep devotion for everything we did, small, big or otherwise:
Making those posters for College clubs which lasted on the walls just for a few days,
preparing for the next quiz, the glory of defeat in which lasted only till the next,
screaming your lungs out for your team when they played a losing match,
and singing along when the college band played their own comps in a badly planned concert.

I miss that.

2 comments:

Sinfully Pinstripe said...

Felt the same way a very few months ago dude. I know what it feels like...

And the last paragraph. That was me writing it, it seemed...

It is always about belief vs. pragmatism, no? Can I believe in anything so much, so blindly anymore? No. I have become pragmatic, a realist, and would easily be able to put everything on the effort/benefit parameter and decide. And decide that no, it is not worth it.....

It is the ideal case, they will say. But sad, na?

Really miss Dreamland, and Canteen, and the stairs in front of the Instru department a lot.... Really mimss being the aimless, directionless, lazy 21-year old.

The today is good life for a 28 year old. But did I ever want to be 28?

Mo said...

I still think it's possible.
I think if every moment is lived without weighing the benefits of the consequences, it is.