Sunday, December 23, 2012

"Don't make a big deal out of it, deal with it"

The first time was when I was 19,  in a BTS bus from KR Market to Jayanagar. Men were sitting on seats which are normally reserved for women. There was this 70+ year old woman standing next to me, and I wanted her to sit. I asked the guys to vacate. "Are you women to be sitting on the ladies seat?," I asked. "Come outside, we'll show you how much of men we are," they taunted. I am not making this up. I went and complained to the conductor of the bus, because I was still a firebrand then. The conductor said, "Madam, don't make a big deal out of it." I still remember it, because this was the first time I was scared for my safety and life. I knew the threats were real.  I reported it to my mother, she said, she'd been through this, it's normal, and I should carry a safety pin, poke them or pinch them hard. But I need to deal with it.

The other time, imprinted firmly in my memory, is when a friend said, "Women need to be made to feel cheap."  He was three whiskys down, I'd just had a beer, non-kosher for women.  I got very angry, obviously, and stomped off the pub.The other friend who was with us, he begged me to come back. His response was, "Don't make a big deal out of it." Deal with it.

Yesterday, someone posted something excruciatingly misogynistic on my FB feed:  that women should dress "decently", so as to not "tempt the monsters," quoting "indian culture" and all such things thereof. I argued all I could on FB, and the chap said, he'll "allow" his wife to wear anything in Singapore, India is a different story, "I won't be comfortable". "We must be decent". "India won't change, but we must be aware of our safety ourselves". When I pointed out that in Singapore, women wear what they want, he replied, "Singapore doesn't have monsters." I've been quiet through everything so as to be age appropriate, but I just couldn't take it and ranted in person and said that I wanted to slap the chap, and explain with the fact that,for that girl, her innards were mutilated and she may not be able to have another meal, and the fact that it's december in delhi and she couldn't have been more than covered. I was received with the now familiar response, "Don't make a big deal out it." And. Errrrr, "Deal with it."

Why shouldn't I make a big deal out of it? Tell me one good reason not to. Tell me one good reason why I should deal with it. In this day and age, people have lost jobs because of saying something remotely racist, this-ist or that-ist, and if you think I should keep shut because this is normal and I shouldn't be making a big deal out of it ? Why shouldn't this guy lose his job? Why shouldn't he be publicly shamed?

I've been molested, I've been pinched and groped and grabbed and abused. Tell me one Indian woman who can claim to not have been through this. But we never make a big deal out of it. Because we shouldn't, we can't, we must not. Because being born a woman means you accept that this is a part and parcel of life. And deal with it.

I am thoroughly saddened now. I am sad I can walk around  wearing anything in Singapore, but I have to endure this every single time I visit India. I am sad I know such people. I don't want to talk to them. And as far as India is concerned, I don't ever want to return, even to visit. I want to wear what I want, say what I want, do what I want. I am tired of dealing with it.
 And you deal with it.


crobl005 said...

Dedicated to people who have been given Face to Face encounters & visitations with Jesus Christ; and the important message they were given, Bill Wiese, Anna Rountree, Mary K. Baxter, Choo Thomas, Pilgrims Progress, Rick

Anonymous said...

After getting more than 10000 visitors/day to my website I thought your website also need unstoppable flow of traffic...

Use this BRAND NEW software and get all the traffic for your website you will ever need ...

= = > >

In testing phase it generated 867,981 visitors and $540,340.

Then another $86,299.13 in 90 days to be exact. That's $958.88 a

And all it took was 10 minutes to set up and run.

But how does it work??

You just configure the system, click the mouse button a few
times, activate the software, copy and paste a few links and
you're done!!

Click the link BELOW as you're about to witness a software that
could be a MAJOR turning point to your success.

= = > >

Anonymous said...

geotorelxzp debt consolidation loans
low interest loans

Stacey Williamson said...

Hi. I am sorry you have had to deal with that type of treatment in India. In the bible Paul said that women should dress modestly, but then, what is modest? I am thankful to say, in some places, women can walk around in bikinis and men won't look at them or make them feel like "garden utensils". It has to do with the Holy Spirit. A women could be clothed from the top of her head to the bottom of her foot and "the monsters" will still be tempted to be "monsters". But those led by the Holy Spirit aren't tempted by the least clothed women.

Nidhi Behl said...

Very true...... well written. I can relate very well with you....

fifa-coin said...

In addition to pick up some thing using their company women and men? Exactly what a spend! But can it could be a kind of gaming .In the game involving runescape ,you'll be able to grab some thing ,you have to know many expertise.Ensure that you examine slowly destroying guild textbooks as it offers taking expertise.Buyers plus cellars and garages lookup offers the introduction as well as education and learning facilities for brand new RuneScape users which might be starting instruction the actual thieving expertise.
Cheap fifa 15 coins

Fut 15 coins

mehmet kelebek said...

We wrote it began shipping services for designated officers concentrating our company prepared in this regard
Our company are at your service 7/24 with wide inter fleet and experienced staff.
Gebze transportation home from home is
Gebze evden eve nakliyat
Çayirova evden eve nakliyat
Gebze evden eve
İzmit evden eve
Darıca evden eve nakliyat
Darıca evden eve
İzmit evden eve nakliyat
Mutlukent evden eve nakliyat
Çayirova evden eve nakliyat
Darıca evden eve nakliyat
Gebze evden eve nakliyat
Gebze evden eve nakliyat
Evrak depolama
Kartal depolama
Eşyalar depolama
thank turkey

賴怡君 said...

善化徵信社婚姻法律失蹤人口法律諮詢徵信徵信社價格徵信公司外遇抓姦通姦失蹤Hotel抓姦外遇調查台南徵信社合法徵信社贍養費免費律師行蹤調查大陸尋人花蓮徵信社女人徵信討債公司尋人徵信社優質徵信社中壢徵信社挽回老公劈腿酒店抓姦討債桃園徵信社宜蘭徵信社外遇蒐證尋人查址金門徵信社工商徵信台中徵信社尋人外遇抓姦台北商務旅館跟?外遇抓姦免費法律諮詢外遇徵信徵信協會 劈腿高雄徵信社徵信婚姻法律諮詢尋人外遇蒐證徵信社離婚法律常識離婚法律顧問離婚外遇彰化徵信社台中徵信社挽回感情捉姦離婚證人蒐證桃園徵信社妨害家庭男友變心旅館抓姦徵信社

Kuldeep Singh said...

Rajasthan Gram Sevak Previous Year Papers
Rajasthan Gram Sewak District Wise Total Vacancy 2016
Rajasthan Gram Sevak Bharti Admit Card 2016
Rajasthan Gram Sevak Bharti Online Registration 2016
Rajasthan Gram Sevak Best Coachings
Rajasthan Gram Sevak District Wise Vacancies 2016
Rajasthan Gram Sevak Recruitment 2016