Thursday, January 07, 2010

Dirty Rock

Finding NiMo.

I slip underwater effortlessly and at that depth feel calm and peace that comes with being in control. And yet that control comes with an equal amount of dread -- something could go horribly horribly wrong. Every time you take that risk of doing something else, something different, apart from being on the couch, you take an unassisted step forward. Scary, yes, but the thrill makes up for it.

"Age is just a number" or "30s is the new 20s" -People who say that are really really old. Youth is wasted on the young, and yet, nothing's perhaps ever wasted if you've devoured every little bit of whatever was on your platter. I feel I have.

I finally feel comfortable in my own skin. Of course, the butt's too big and the hair's too frizzy and I haven't still bought the Ferrari I swore I would. Frankly, I don't care. I don't feel the need to drastically alter myself because I know nothing's going to change much. I don't look over my shoulder for approval. I am way more confident than I ever imagined I would be.

Gone is the anger of the early twenties, or the slogfest of early-mid twenties, or the crisis of mid-twenties years or the sinking feeling of mid-late twenties or just the tic-tac-toe of "what's up with life" of really-late-twenties. There's a life to be lived, and I feel I am making the most of it.

To be fair to me, I never had a consistent list of what I wanted to achieve before I became this old. It's been switching every year. Earlier on, my to-do list was filled with silvery shiny things and checkboxes, now it's just the hope that I'd not be ashamed to have a pink haired day. Someday, someday!

So yeah, since I record gifts, this year, I bought myself a birthday card.


godof86 said...

Consider this -
Maybe the 30s are indeed the new 20s for people who haven't, as you say, really devoured every little of whatever was on their plates.

Or at least they can be.

Or is it such that if they haven't dared at the 20s, they will never be able to at the 30s? I don't believe that it's so, it's far too depressing to consider. Morbid even, perhaps.

And perhaps even untrue. In my interactions with many of the ilk whose 20s have been spent at the twin altars of material success and hedonistic pleasures, the 30s have really been the time to live it up. And living it up they are. The achieved material comfort helps... ah, the middle class and the pleasure of the safety net!

May Tom Robbins forgive me, it's never too late to be in your twenties.

Anonymous said...
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Ashwin said...

I was wondering when you were going to write about this! :-)

Now that I think about it, it is surprising how I never really had any concrete aims to accomplish by the time I was X years old. I do not care even now :-)

Cris said...

uh happy birthday?

Mo said...

Godof86: I agree with you. My point was the same - I prefer the freedom which has come with being this old.

Ashwin: I never had a list, but the few things I wanted changed with priorities and experience. Things which were important at 20 seem too juvenile right now.

Cris: Thanks :)

日月神教-向左使 said...