Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Accident p0rn

Written a little while back.
If it wasnt so tragic, it would be funny.

I find myself sitting in my odd spot with a bandage around my left thumb. Not much of a difference. I use the thumb for the space bar and nothing more, so it's not so hard to type.
Gone are the days perhaps where the thumb was the important tool for warriors and poets. How to hold a bow and arrow or a pen? Ha, times have changed, we modern day warriors and poets can manage without our thumbs. The forefingers pull the trigger, and well, we type. Even it's use as the ancient phallic symbol has been replaced with the middle finger. Tom Robbins wrote an entire chapter about the importance of thumbs. I can't seem to remember any of it, except what I would perhaps not be able to do without my left thumb, is hitchhike in the commonwealth countries.

The friendly doc told me to ensure the nasty fella stays dry. I told him I am a veteran in this department. I get loyalty bonus points from dressing companies. I even know the latest fashion.

Cut to late march 2009.
I woke up that morning trying to open a carton to find something. Someone had left a swiss knife on the dining table (to open a bottle of wine, of course), the blade of which went into my palm. It bled a little, not much to merit panic. Two days later, the whole thing was full of goo and stuff, and it was impossible to move my hand. I was in pain, hallucinating, screaming, threatening to write my will . An incision and drainage had to be performed, under general anaesthesia. The last memory was that of laughing gas. I woke up from the stupor the next morning to get it dressed and discovered a hole in the middle of my palm. The resurrection happened on easter, I kid you not. Did I ever have any doubts about me being the child of God?

But a few days before the bandages came off -

And a few days after I was given the laughing gas -

I tripped and fell and landed up with a gash on my forehead. It has left a lightning shaped scar right above the left eyebrow. And not some itsybitsy clipartsy scar, but a real lightning shaped scar, which seems to turn red and throb every time I drink red wine. I feel it's a message, but and yet to decipher it. May be it's morsecode.

Of course, true to myself, not to be defeated, I still decided to run the JPM corporate challenge - a 5.6km run through the heart of the city, the central business district. Ever so popular with the cutthroatmanager type people, who lack civil behaviour. One of them gave me the elbow, so I jumped off the pavement and stepped on a discarded bottle, twisted my ankle and fell, skinning my left knee. I was left with running only 1 km, and I had no choice but to limp the rest of the way.

It was only april, the cruelest month.

By this time, the horoscope came chasing my back to indicate, that the dosha (flaw) found last december was making me accident prone (that's the topic of another post)

So then, after a few inconsequential cuts and bruises, A was made to sit through a 4+ hour pooja to reduce the impact on my behalf, because women, as you would perhaps not know, have no rights to pray for themselves (or so I assume). I dutifully sat through it, touching his right shoulder, hoping the faith would heal and protect.

Soon after I got back, both of us were in a bike crash. Though safe, we landed up with major skinning of all body parts, which took a while to heal and completed the match-muched set of scars. Of course, after the initial shock, my immediate response to sink into terrible self pity, assuming I brought it upon him, and losing faith on the dosha vendors.

I will not get to the story of the crashes and tsunami warnings and the close calls, which actually are entertaining and sound adventurous, and will take the tragedy out of this story while I need your sympathy.

Now the thumb - a little kitchen accident which happens, happens to the best of us. It understandably made me hyperreact and run to the doctor and feed myself three years worth of antibiotics.

My body is a war zone, full of land mines, scars and pits and spots, all ugly on a grown woman. When I was all of three it was a big deal to have a band aid on the knee, now, I wonder if men still find it enviable.

The jokes arent tiring, the advice is. This includes: not venturing out of home evvaar (though half the accidents have happened while I was, in fact, home), realigning the feng shui of this house, and getting pregnant (don't ask.)

But I wish people would say some encouraging words, because I seem to have lost all confidence. That doesn't stop me from doing anything, but it has become a hassle to lose confidence in something seemingly innocuous, like peeling potatoes, and this constant thing that keeps running at the back of my head that I am accident prone, and so I am waiting for the next disaster to happen.

I am the next disaster waiting to happen.


Anonymous said...

Well, accidents happen. Shrug them off and do what you want. :-)

If I had worried about accidents, I wouldn't have begun road-tripping on the motorcycle.


Ashwin said...

Ouch! So many accidents, that is very scary! I don't think I have had this many accidents in 10 years of roughing it in forests and mountains. But wait, I don't cook much at home ;-)

LOL on the lightning scar, if it is still there, that's good. You can be famous, this Harry Potter hoopla should easily last another 2 years until the movies run out.

Kartik said...

Run forest run. (Am on a roll here)

Balaji Dutt said...

Ah it's not funny at all - constantly having to visit a doctor gets very old indeed.

My wife and I have been going through one ailment or the other over the last few months, after about 1/2 a year of good health. I would be willing to give up a lot to get back to some form of reasonable good health.

I can't offer much by way of prediction, but hang in there - it will get better. It has to! :)

Mo said...

Hyde - When it forms a patter, you do tend to get scared.
Not that it has stopped me from doing anything.

Ashwin - I have never got injured roughing it either. In any case, this was a while back. Made it here only now.
the lightning scar is still there. :)

Kartik - how very kind of you.

Balaji - Just a phase, I think, which may have hopefully passed. It seems funny now, it's already gotten better.
Always does.

Anonymous said...

Gives great thrill no, when you finish what you set out to do, regardless of said pattern? :-)


Cris said...

Not sure when I fed this blog to my reader but I am glad I did.
And unfortunately I cant offer you my sympathies.. Jeez it is the funniest post I have read this year (of the 4 days it gave me so far anyway).
Loved it! Err not the violence. But the narration was superb. I think these accidents are nourishing your sense of humour. Maybe you shouldnt try and stop them!